The film starts in Rome, where two assassins on motorcycle are chasing Justin Bieber (playing himself) through the streets. The singer kills one of the villains before heading to the home of Sting for sanctuary, but nobody comes for him. Justin is cornered at gunpoint, but he tells the assassin that they will be stopped. The villain pumps him full of lead before disappearing into the night. With his last breaths, Justin takes a selfie while making the "Blue Steel" look. He looks for the perfect filter before sharing and then dying.
The Fashion Division at Interpol receives Justin's selfie, which is another in a series of final selfies left behind by other recently-murdered celebrities, like Demi Lovato, Usher, Lenny Kravitz, and Ninja from Die Antwoord, all of whom flashed the "Blue Steel" look before dying. Spanish Interpol Agent Valentina Valencia (Penelope Cruz) declares that there is only one person who can understand what this means, but nobody has seen him in years.
We are treated to a recap of the last 15 years. Derek Zoolander (Ben Stiller) was once the hottest male model, until his life began to take a turn for the worse. After opening 'The Derek Zoolander Center for Kids Who Can't Read Good and Who Wanna Learn to Do Other Stuff Good Too', the facility collapsed due to the fact that it was constructed using the same materials used to make the tiny model of the place. The collapse killed Derek's wife Matilda (Christine Taylor) and disfigured his best friend Hansel (Owen Wilson), destroying Hansel's modeling career. Derek is left alone with his son, Derek Jr (nicknamed DJ), but he loses custody after going crazy when he fails to make spaghetti. Derek then announces his retirement from modelling to go become a "hermit crab".
Derek lives in a cabin in a part of New Jersey that contains blistering cold weather. He is unexpectedly visited by Billy Zane with an invitation from the current hotshot of fashion, Alexanya Atoz (Kristen Wiig), to join a fashion show in Rome run by fashion icon Don Atari (Kyle Mooney). Derek refuses to return to the outside world if it means not being able to be with his son. Billy encourages him to go back out there and try to get DJ back.
We find Hansel living in the desert (or "Uncharted Malibu Territories") with a random group of strangers that he calls his "orgy". He receives a shock when he learns that ALL the members of the orgy are pregnant... including Kiefer Sutherland. Frightened by the concept of parenthood, Hansel abandons the orgy and runs into Billy, who presents Hansel with the same invitation from Alexanya.
Derek and Hansel are reunited in Rome, but Hansel is still pissed at Derek for ruining his career. The two of them are escorted to the location of the fashion show by an adult-faced child called VIP (Fred Armisen). The two meet Don Atari, an annoying hipster, plus the hottest fashion icon of the moment, All (Benedict Cumberbatch), whose gender is a mystery to Derek and Hansel.
The two participate in Atari's fashion show, where they have to wear tacky red jumpsuits that say "Old" and "Lame". All descends from the ceiling in a demonic outfit to whip Derek and Hansel before they have a massive barrel of prunes dumped on top of them. Humiliated, the two leave until they are approached outside by Valentina. She asks that they join her at Interpol to determine what is happening to the beautiful people of the world, and she promises to help Derek find his son.
At Interpol, Valentina shows Derek and Hansel the selfies of the dead celebrities and asks if they're all "Blue Steel". Derek explains that all of his looks, despite seeming similar, have slightly different characteristics to set them apart (basically just how he arches his eyebrows). The look they did is similar to one he did for a weird water ad with Naomi Campbell called Aqua Vitae. We see the ad featuring Derek as a half-man/half-cow that gets milked. The computer deciphers Aqua Vitae to mean "fountain of youth." Valentina also locates DJ, stating that he lives in an orphanage right there in Rome.
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